Are you constantly measuring your child's worth—and your parenting success—by letter grades and standardized milestones? In this transformative episode of The Parenting Cipher, special education advocate Genie Dawkins reveals why the most meaningful progress often happens in the quiet moments we overlook.
Drawing from personal experiences raising two sons with autism spectrum disorder, Genie explores how cultural expectations of excellence, W.E.B. Du Bois' concept of double consciousness, and grade-focused education systems create unnecessary pressure on both neurodivergent children and their parents.
This episode is essential listening for parents navigating IEPs, managing learning disabilities, supporting children with ADHD or autism, and anyone seeking a more compassionate approach to measuring growth.
For Your Child:
For Parents:
Child Mirror: Focus on internal wins
Parent Mirror: Acknowledge your progress
[00:00] Introduction: W.E.B. Du Bois and the pressure of double consciousness in Black parenting
[01:46] Genie's personal journey: From dyslexia diagnosis to autism acceptance
[03:24] The cultural pressure for excellence and how it affects neurodivergent families
[06:06] What report card grades really mean (and don't mean) for special education students
[08:09] Recognizing subtle signs of progress: anxiety reduction, improved communication, self-advocacy
[10:01] Why emotional regulation changes happen internally before external behavior shifts
[12:01] How to track meaningful IEP goals beyond academics
[13:33] The power of celebrating small wins with your child
[15:52] Why busy school seasons (holidays, testing periods) require extra check-ins
[18:23] Real story: Navigating elopement behavior and finding the right school placement
[23:09] Understanding elopement in autism: causes, triggers, and effective interventions
[24:12] The parent trap: Seeking external validation for your parenting efforts
[27:00] Practical exercise: Identifying your small wins this week
[28:17] Introduction to the Two Mirrors framework for parents and children
[30:02] The importance of pausing before reacting to challenges
[32:04] Why your emotional regulation directly impacts your child's behavior
[34:13] Song for the Cipher: "We Slow Down the Season" (original composition)
W.E.B. Du Bois described double consciousness as the experience of constantly seeing oneself through both personal identity and society's often-prejudiced gaze. For Black families with neurodivergent children, this creates compounded pressure to prove worth through achievement and excellence, making it harder to celebrate incremental progress or accept diagnoses without shame.
Elopement (also called "wandering" or "bolting") refers to when an individual with autism leaves a safe space without permission, often running into potentially dangerous situations. It's typically driven by sensory overload, anxiety, curiosity, or the need to escape overwhelming environments. Genie shares her personal experience with her son's elopement behavior and how understanding the "why" led to effective interventions.
Effective IEP goals should measure:
For Your Child:
For Yourself:
When overwhelmed (child or parent):
This simple practice creates space between stimulus and reaction, allowing for more intentional parenting.
Just as you'd excite your child about a trip to the zoo or Ice Capades, create enthusiasm around small victories:
"Sometimes the biggest growth our children make is silent. And sometimes the biggest growth we make as parents goes unnoticed too." — Genie Dawkins
"A letter grade can mean many things. A letter grade can mean that they mastered a concept. A letter grade sometimes can mean that they need more support." — Genie Dawkins
"Give them praise. Tell them, like, I'm so happy... That's acknowledging something they may not even acknowledge." — Genie Dawkins
"Most often if we not all right, our kid is not right. You are the safe space for your child." — Genie Dawkins
"Quiet is our superpower. We slow the season down when the world moves too quickly." — Genie Dawkins
Genie Dawkins is a parent advocate, special education strategist, and host of The Parenting Cipher podcast. With lived experience raising two neurodivergent sons—both on the autism spectrum with different presentations and needs—Genie brings authentic, actionable insights to families navigating IEPs, learning disabilities, and the complex emotions of special education parenting.
Her mission is to empower parents to advocate effectively for their children, recognize their own growth alongside their child's progress, and build communities where neurodivergent families feel supported and celebrated. Through storytelling, practical strategies, and cultural awareness, Genie helps parents move from overwhelm to empowerment—one small win at a time.
Have you noticed a small win in your child this week? Share your celebration in the comments below or tag us on social media with #TheParentingCipher
Questions about IEPs, accommodations, or recognizing progress? Leave a comment and Genie may address it in a future episode.
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