April 2, 2021

[Ep. 204] Buy Back The Block: How to Create a Self-care Regimen That You Will Maintain

What Does Self-Care Look Like

So this blog is all about REAL self-care. But what does that look like? Kabrena Williams of Scratch Made Consulting joined me on The Parenting Cipher to talk about creating a self-care regimen that you will maintain.

Kabrena Williams and I talked about self-care and how parents of special needs kids have so much guilt around self-care. So we don't even bother. We're just always putting our kids first, and media has given us this picture of what self-care looks like. When we see this impossible idea of self-care that we know we could never manage, we just rebuke the whole concept of self-care.

But here's Kabrena, and she's like, no, that's not how it really is. Self-care isn't all about days at the spa, getting your hair done. It doesn't mean taking hours for yourself because the reality is with special needs kids, there isn't time for that. So you adapt. So it's like this, we think if we can't do the big things, then we don't pay attention to small things. But the small activities of self-care are what's going to help sustain us overall. It's those small things that are going to get us through.

How Do You Make Self-Care Work

Kabrena Williams explains that self-care needs to be taking place in four different areas of our lives: social, emotional, mental, and physical. You're not going to be able to do all these things every day, no matter who you are. You have to think ok; I can do this one thing before the kids wake up or this other thing before we go off to therapy. But you have to bounce between different activities in all these categories and not just do one. This keeps you balanced but will help you not lose interest too.

Kabrena found asking parents to take on more responsibility during her ABA parenting sessions led to many missed appointments because these special needs parents were burnt out. So she began focusing on the needs of parents, especially moms, trying to find ways to get in some self-care in small, manageable ways. Ways they would actually do it that didn't feel like more work, like one more thing they had to. Let's be honest. At the end of the day, if it feels like work, it's not going to get done because, in the community of special needs, it always feels like people are piling one more thing on top of you.

But getting that self-care in helps show your kids you're in a better place. Because your kids see you, see how you are, and you don't know how they perceive the situation, whether they feel guilt around it because you're so tired or stressed.

Recognizing the Importance of Self-Care

Kabrena Williams affirmed the importance of self-care for black parents of special needs kids. We do so much struggling as black parents anyway that it seems everything is an uphill battle. Just starting with getting your kids diagnosed is a battle. Then fighting against bias in the school system. There are always these added stressors that black parents have to deal with. So the need for self-care becomes even more critical. You have to take care of yourself, if only to better deal with what you're up against.

Kabrena shows us that taking things in small, manageable pieces and mastering each step one at a time is what makes self-care sustainable. When you master that, then try adding something new. She offers so much more insight that you'll want to listen to the entire episode, so be sure to check it out.

Shownotes

In this episode of The Parenting Cipher, Kabrena Williams of Scratch Made Consulting brings her wealth of knowledge on behavior and self-care to answer your questions about what self-care is and what it should look like for you. If the words “self-care” make you cringe, then you have to listen to Kabrena debunk the top self-care assumptions she sees in her life of work. Using her WIN Method, Kabrena shares how to incorporate self-care in a way you can handle it, not the way the media tells us to in this episode of The Parenting Cipher.

Genie Dawkins

Host of The Parenting Cipher, Genie Dawkins is a single mother of four and has over 25 years of being a parent advocate of special needs children. In addition to obtaining her Certification in Integrative Health Coaching, Lateefa holds an M.S. in Nonprofit Management and a B.S. in Social Sciences. Genie is the best-selling author of two books “Not My Child: Navigating Your Child’s Learning Difficulties with IEP’s and Education Resources” and a recent release “The Joyful Family Planner”. As an educational advocacy specialist, her mission is to help parents achieve a balanced life and overcome inevitable challenges both at school and home in a way that empowers parents and children.

About our Guest:

Kabrena Williams is a Special Needs Parent Coach, Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Founder of Scratch Made Consulting. For over 10 years, Kabrena has worked in various clinical settings with clients who have developmental and cognitive disabilities. She now focuses on special needs parents, pairing her expertise in behavior analysis and self-care to help teach overwhelmed parents to use evidence-based self-care practices.

Insight from this episode:

Details on the four types of self-care and how you can embed each type into your life in manageable ways.
Kabrena’s WIN Method for implementing a self-care routine that will actually stick to.
Strategies for letting go of guilt and overwhelm to unlock the benefits of self-care.
Reflections on the particular struggle of being a special needs parent in the Black community.