April 9, 2021

[Ep. 206] This Girl Is On Fire: How To Raise Confident Black Kids

Meet M.J. Fievre

I purchased a book for my niece called “Badass Black Girl: Quotes, Questions, and Affirmations” for my niece and she loved it. When I found out that M.J. Fievere was releasing a new book called Raising Confident Black Kids I knew I had to have her on The Parenting Cipher. Her book gives practical tips on how to deal with racism from an empowered point of view. She is a long-time educator who has spent years putting in the time and working with kids, from grade school on up to college level, and having relationships with so many different students over the years.

M.J. Fievre has a great sense of empathy and understanding. She started the conversation with this great anecdote about once seeing a sign saying “Be Aware of Your Surroundings” and how that applies to life. That you need perspective. You need to be aware of what you’re saying and what other people mean when they say certain things. That for kids, everything you say is taken at face value without necessarily applying context.

What Systemic Racism Means

M.J. Fievre reminds us that talking about systemic racism means explaining that we aren’t talking about individual people but how things are done, but that we still need to get specific when we talk about these things. As parents, systemic racism is a way of life that we may not know how to talk to our children about it. Especially when our children are young because we want them to experience the privilege of not having to directly deal with racism.

M.J. shares that we should talk to our children about the different factors that play into systematic racism instead of making blanket statements. Have conversations about the income variances between white and black households in your area. The systems put in place after slavery was abolished were just another way to keep black people in check and how they still remain in place even today.

We have to remind ourselves to listen to our kids when they feel bullied by the system because that’s what it is. When talking to your children about racism use the same parenting skills that you use when your child tells you they are being bullied. Which starts with building their confidence in themselves. Every person needs to feel confident as an individual person before being a part of a whole. That’s what will help them navigate through the world. Once you have that confidence in place and teach them who the trailblazers were. Our kids need to know they have this rich history that fully supports who they are as this beautiful black person but also be fully aware that if they get pulled over by the police, chances are they will not be treated the same as their white friends. But having the confidence in their self-worth to walk away from an encounter with the police and still feel worthy.

Love Counters Racism

As parents, we have to always remember to instill that unconditional love and support because what racism does is rob us of our identity. It strips us of our sense of belonging. We’ve got to do our best to make sure our kids don’t lose that.

It’s important to talk to your kids about racism or just life in general, but more importantly, you’ve got to listen to them. Hear what has them upset. Hold space for them. And constantly work to build their confidence, specific qualities that they can turn to when they need to be uplifted.

Increase your kid’s confidence by supporting their interests because, at the same time, you raise their confidence by showing them they are not alone and their personal agency is also increased. And that is what we are all about.

Shownotes

In this episode of The Parenting Cipher, M.J. Fievre, author of the new book Raising Confident Black Kids, gives practical tips for tackling the tough issues of racism and racial inequalities as they apply to our children in loving and empowering ways. M.J. reminds us to listen to our children, acknowledge their feelings, and affirm our unconditional love for them. Learn about increasing your child’s personal agency to impact their world and beyond in this episode of The Parenting Cipher.

Genie Dawkins

Host of The Parenting Cipher, Genie Dawkins is a single mother of four and has over 25 years of being a parent advocate of special needs children. In addition to obtaining her Certification in Integrative Health Coaching, Lateefa holds an M.S. in Non-Profit Management and a B.S. in Social Sciences. Genie is the best-selling author of two books “Not My Child: Navigating Your Child’s Learning Difficulties with IEP’s and Education Resources” and a recent release “The Joyful Family Planner”. As an educational advocacy specialist, her mission is to help parents achieve a balanced life and overcome inevitable challenges both at school and home in a way that empowers parents and children.